I have been dealing with a thought for a little over 4 months now. Seeing as “dealing with a thought” is a vague and formless statement, I will elaborate — much to your pleasure, I’m sure :)

My last relationship ended on somewhat bad terms. Things certainly weren’t as terrible as they could have been, but they weren’t optimal. Heh, what is an optimal break up, anyhow? Never the less, both parties felt unfairly treated, and our parting of ways wasn’t the most graceful.

Today, I am OK, consciously at least. I recognize why things happened the way they did and see that — truly — I didn’t lose anything, but instead gained insight. I am not bitter nor am I wistful of “better times”. However, whenever I sit down to write lyrics or try my hand at a poem, I find myself manifesting those aforementioned resentments in the words that I write.

This is truly puzzling to me, as I am not bothered by the whole situation anymore — again, I specify: consciously. It doesn’t “haunt me” or pop into my head as a form of brooding material from which I pull hate and anger. It’s really part of past.

My only answer to this is that what comes forth when creating something is obviously not comprised of 100% conscious thoughts. I believe there is a real link between creativity, your subconscious, and perhaps even another parallel of one’s self. Thus, this still bothers me on some level. Either I’ve either learned to cope with it, or have justified it as logical so that I can function normally.

Seeing as I have just recently rekindled my friendship with the young woman this posting refers to, I do not want this to be destructive. I don’t want to create this piece of art that — to me — misrepresents how I feel. Perhaps I need to, though. It’s only healthy. Part of the process, as they say.

I guess when you’ve held your breath for so long, the only thing left to do is exhale. I can only hope that these paper ties aren’t destroyed once more.

This entry was posted on Thursday, June 19th, 2008 at 5:59 am and is filed under Life. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.