I’ve been feeling great lately. Here’s a quick overview of the different aspects of my life at present: My muse is small and transparent, but there all the same. I’ve been performing music every week or so in downtown Anacortes. I am up to three originals with vocals, along with the countless meandering instrumental pieces. This feels like an immense personal victory. Day to day worries about work are non-existent as I enjoy my job a little more each day. I am learning a great deal about public-facing Web server administration, ColdFusion programming, and more generally, advanced Web application design as a whole. I am even able to exercise traditional creativity in identity and content design. As far as Web-related reading goes, I am enjoying CSS Mastery: Advanced Web Standards Solutions. Similarly, I am enjoying reading Leo Babauta’s The Power of Less. It’s very comforting to be told to do less by a respected productivity expert. Time with and without friends and family is fulfilling, and I think I have finally struck a calming balance between “me time” and the opposite. When alone, I am nearly always enveloped in a creative project of some sort. Visual and audio sketches adorn my home and hard drive platters, respectively. Films, new music, and scenic vista’s by way of hiking are all in great supply. And that’s me these days. I’m happy and hope to stay that way!

When speaking to a friend recently, my trade was compared to that of a saddle maker of the 15th or 16th century. My profession as a “Web Developer.”

What he means by this is the way in which my trade is integral to the movement and communication of information. Not boasting, but excited to share why I believe this:

In centuries past, we needed to travel with comfort and practicality to facilitate the movement of information. Humans are social. We need to expand, explore, and continually grow. Thus, the saddle maker was an integral in supporting our endeavors.

The world has changed in the past 100 years, drastically. A small 5 generations ago, things were dirt and wood. Fast forward to 1980. Electronics explode! Synthesizers, the terrible clothing that followed, video game consoles, and word processors in the form of small beige boxes with green screens.

Now, via the Internet (a true corner stone of our modern world), the movement and communication of information is key. The metaverse takes priority over more traditional needs, and find ourselves evolving and changing at a remarkable pace.

We need to grow again. Most (if not all) of the people who read this post live comfortable lives rather free from worry. We are safe, we are employed, and we are OK. We don’t feel the need to conquer others (at least, not personally). We want something more. We want to grasp that last bit; the neocortex.

This concept is amazing to me. So much is yet to come, and quickly.

“Now is the most exciting time to be alive.” – Intuitor

Unfaltering declarations so true, so undying, and so cliché. Thousands of voices calling “I love you!” to thousands more. Roses, love songs, and promises of “this love being different” echoing with a timbre so dreadfully unique. Ha! How original.

These days, I wonder why. This is not a collection of words inspired by a monumental loss; there is no ill-fated love affair wrought with passion, all but gone awry. Instead I feel compelled to share because of the opposite, and the contrast of extremes. These extremes lie under the ever expanding, artistically charged domain of human expression.

The Insecure Lover

One end of the extreme, visited just a paragraph prior, takes the form of an endless barrage of dedication and proof that “this love is true!” Often rife with insecurity, people who fall into this extreme seem to have a hard time remembering that their significant other is still there; that upon their last communication, only 3 hours prior, they were still in love. This drives the Secure Lover crazy.

The Secure Lover

The other end of this extreme is the quiet, often cold opposite. Feeling might seldom be expressed through words, and instead manifested through a look, silence, or subtle action. This appeals more to someone who is convinced that the ties binding two people remain strong for days, weeks, months, and years. This person needs little or no reminding, but also runs the risk of being lost in translation. The Insecure Lover would surely go hungry without any attention.

My Experience

Do not mistake me for thinking that all people fall into these two extremes, or that any one person fits either of these two cases perfectly. I like to think of them only as reference points for my opinions. This is, after all, an opinionated piece of writing.

My optimal relationship combines elements of both the Insecure and Secure lover to create a set of calm, steadfast, and warm expectations. The goal is communication of love through anything but “I love you”. The words carry too many connotations and failures. Instead, a quiet moment that says more than words, a small touch, a carefully crafted sentence, or a hand made gift. This sort of expression is often thought of as “hopelessly romantic”, but it needn’t be public nor at every corner. Keeping affection closer and more private is not for others’ sake, but for my own. Just as routine use of profanity makes it all the less profane, routine gestures of public affection can do just the same. Keeping something safe, for me and my partner alone, leads to a less “overdone” feeling. It keeps the intimacy intimate, and the friendship friendly.

Why am I writing this, though? Why am I sharing what should be kept my own? My blueprints to a perfect existance? I am writing it because I see both extremes every day, and the truth is it hurts to see one side always suffering. The Insecure Lover smothers their partner, while the Secure Lover starves them. No one communicates, and the status-quo remains.

Now I Tell You What To Do!

Face it: everything is different this day of age. We are educated, we are connected, and we are more in touch with ourselves than ever before. Self help exists at every corner, and the Internet alone is filled with billions of words on every topic imaginable. But still, The Lovers remain as they were. The modern relationship remains distinctively un-modern. Why can’t this change?

Communication is Key!

Insecure Lovers should spend time talking to their partner, and making a pact to cut back on the “routine” affection. Perhaps replace it with new and exciting forms of expression. They’ll find the ordinary becomes extraordinary, just “like it used to be”.

Secure Lovers need to communicate even more so, especially towards an Insecure Lover. Doubt and uncertainty should be nipped in the bud. If it’s too late, and the insecurities run rampant, it’s time for yard work. A further note: if being overly emotional is a worry, then the creative! Expression is too grand a thing to be “bolted down” to traditional forms of communication.

In Conclusion

The break down of communication is a serious issue. Time needs to be dedicated to ensuring both partners in a relationship are satisfied and confident. If this balance isn’t acheived, it’s likely that an end to the whole thing isn’t far off.

Take all my thoughts with a grain of salt. I haven’t a true idea of what is ideal. Only what I have found in the form of “x is better than y, and z isn’t what I want at all.”

Yup!

Unkempt hair, going on 48 hours without a shower, not a lot of time to myself this weekend, and it’s all due to tons of “take home” work. Oddly enough, though, “it’s all good”. Normally, I would be stressing and expressing to whomever would listen, but not this time. This time there’s positive, not negative.

I feel like the world is beginning to open up after so many years of being tightly shut. There are shades of light on a leaf and sounds underneath a song that somehow emerge, seemingly from nowhere. But it’s more than sensory, and it’s more than a trite “high on life” syndrome.

This feeling of wonder has been growing within me steadily for the past six months, and with it comes a new found fascination for all of the arts, cultures, philosophies, and – as a dear friend of mine loves to say – “abstract notions” that billow and spin about us every day. Everything feels exciting, all at once, and the world is reinvented, if only in my eyes.

Amazed as I am, and perplexed just the same, I have been cautious. I’ve asked friends and family, older than myself, if this is temporary. If this richness is only an initial blinding revelation that there is so much to be experienced? So far my most reassuring and honest response has been from my mother, smiling widely, knowingly, and replying with, “It gets better every day.”

The sheen and possibility of that “every day” is what is truly stunning to me. I wish so intensely for this to never fade from me, as I have already come to love it more than anything I have ever known.

It’s been a few weeks since I said I’d write up the rest of my Bumbershoot experiences, and while I’d like to begin this with apologies for being late, I am more interested in the positive aspect of putting it off. I only seem to recall the moments that stuck in my head, which are obviously more interesting for whatever reason. Therefore, I’ve gone ahead and received a fantastic filter as to what I should be writing about. Hurrah!

After the initial day of Bumbershoot, I wasn’t too excited about the lineup for the second day, so I decided to visit the Penny Arcade Expo which was occurring only a mile and a half away at the Washington State Convention Center. This proved to be a fun change of pace, and I was able to get my geek on in the exhibit hall with a day pass costing only $30. I saw and/or played: Fallout 3, Spore (which I have since purchased, by the way, and is quite frankly, fucking awesome), Gears of War 2, Warhammer Online, Left 4 Dead, Rockband 2, and… I’m sure there are more.

While I didn’t “accomplish” much, I was able to snag a signed copy of The Guild from Felica Day and a signed copy of Red vs. Blue from the nice guys at Rooster Teeth Productions. My friend was working in the PC area, so I dropped in a few times to play Team Fortress 2 as well as Multiwinia (the offspring of Darwinia with a hopefully obvious name).

Eventually, the sheer number of neck-beards and depressing nerds got to me, and I rocked a taxi back over to the Bumbershoot grounds. That night I ended up seeing the beginning of the Black Keys’ set as well as Ingrid Michaelson.

I was all pumped for the Black Keys after all the good things I’d heard, but really couldn’t get into the two piece setup. Much like the White Stripes, it was just very predictable to me and lacking in interesting harmony. Obviously, this is due to the make-up of the band (drums + guitar) and is surely not the fault of the musicians themselves. Never the less, I excused myself and made my way to what I figured would be an “OK” show by Ingrid Michaelson.

Luckily, Ingrid was unexpectedly entertaining. I assumed she’d play her most popular song, The Way I Am, and would dick around a bit with some other songs that weren’t as catchy, then take off. I was wrong. She started off by humbly introducing herself and playing a few songs. Then, just as another song started normally, she broke off signing the Fresh Prince of Bell-Air theme over her band’s backing, which was almost like a Bumbershoot version of a Rick Roll. Completely rad. After that she spent a lot of time playing varied songs, speaking a lot about each track (I totally love it when artists do this!), laughing, and generally really enjoying herself. Her set was great. I walked about that evening very satisfied.

Day 3 of Bumbershoot, sadly, didn’t contain much of anything for me. I crashed at my friends house the night before and ended up vegging out a bit too much before hitting the grounds the next day — when I got there, stupidly, at 4PM, all the main-stage passes for Death Cab for Cutie were claimed! Argh! To cut a bunch of ambling around and indecision short, I ended up heading home to the Skagit Valley that evening.

My shopping at Bumbershoot resulted in me getting a messenger bag from Alchemy Goods made 73% out of recycled material, the majority of which was recycled bicycle tire tubing. Freaking awesome. It’s my new favorite hipster item. Also got a few shirts, a magnet (fridges need love too!), and a sweet tapestry which I haggled for. Price drop? Free incense? Yes, please.

Overall, I walk away ready to do it all again next year. I’m definitely into it.

Bumberaddict #54129, reporting for duty.